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A Half Dozen Half-Ass ABQ New Years Resolutions We've Already Broken

Is there really a point? We make these resolutions and then one week in, we forget about them. Maybe you've made some of the usual ones: like eat less fattening foods. Then, you felt bad about the first taco you ate for lunch, and so you ate three more his week to feel better. Or how about this one? Get more exercise, such as hiking the Sandias. But then that awful wind came along and it was just easier to watch Netflix. 

Here are other resolutions you might make and break:

1. Stop hating people who like New Year's

It starts right after Christmas: the New Year's Eve rush. That great night of optimism and rebirth and uninhibited celebration--and all that happiness. This year, I tried to keep my New Year's angst to myself, and not despise all the people who love the Eve. Forget it; it didn't work. By December 30th, I cringed when someone said Happy New Year to me. And I forced myself to say it back--and I didn't mean it, especially to all those people who already lead perfect lives.

Know what I mean?

2. Hide your (my) profile on Match.com

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein.

I agree. And I tried to get off, but apparently I'm not as smart as Albert Einstein. Every time I want to quit for a while, there's some enchanted evening when I look across the site and see someone I like. And, I actually forget what the last coffee/interview was like at the Flying Star/Starbucks/Satellite Cafe.

And then I'm on again.  

3. Get up earlier so you don't have to rush

Ah...morning. What better way to start off the day than with a beautiful sunrise off the Sandias? It's fine until the alarm goes off. I can already tell my resolution to get up earlier has failed. The fact that it's been a cold winter, and if you have a warm cat to snuggle with under the blankets, doesn't make it any easier to get out of bed.

4. Cut down on the chocolate

How many times have you tried? I'm not talking about cutting it out all together; I'm saying to cut down and so you can replace it with string beans and stuff like that. So today, as I write this, it's Jan 2, 2015. I just came back from Walmart's, on Central and San Mateo, and I've got a pint of Ben and Jerry's--My Jam Core waiting for me tonight. I hope I only eat half so I have the other half tomorrow.  

I have no idea what's going to happen. It's not up to me, it seems.

5. Grooming the cat before she has to be shaved...again

My cat (Persian) hates being combed. Okay, I get it. It hurts. But if she would let me do it, she wouldn't get all matted and knotted up, and it wouldn't hurt. But when I try she bites me. So naturally, I put it off--until she looks terrible.

This was one resolution I really thought I would keep. I tried tonight, she bit me--and I'm giving up. As soon as it's warm enough, I'll call in the groomer who will shave off all the knots and my Persian will look like ET.

6. Answering emails on time

So how many do you have waiting to be answered?  

There are some really, really old ones on my inbox. Some of the people I have to answer may already be dead, in fact. But this resolution is the only one I might actually keep!

Just today, I discovered that I can dictate my emails. Yes, I can press a little microphone icon and say aloud what I would normally text. And I can even say the punctuation (such as period or question mark) and it puts it in. 

This is really wild. I've been doing it all day--dictating messages to people who don't even want to hear from me. (Sorry, kids). But this may be one way to keep up with the piles of emails.

Hey, Happy and Safe 2015 to all my readers!