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10 Ways Minneapolis Drivers are Actually the Worst in the World

When I came home to Minneapolis for the holidays after moving to Albuquerque five years ago, one of the first things I noticed was the difference in the driving experience. Minneapolis has a much more sophisticated freeway system, indicating to me that the drivers should come with a little of that pomp themselves. Ha. New Mexico ranks 7th highest in the country for car insurance rates, because the drivers there are so crappy. Coming back to drive in the Twin Cities metro, I immediately realized why we all complain so much about the drivers here. They SUCK. Minus the their inability to actually LOOK both ways before peeling out of a parking lot, I would take a drive with an ABQ driver over Minneapolis drivers any day of the week.

Here are my observations of Minneapolis driving behavior that proves Minneapolis peeps are the absolute worst drivers:

1. No one ever uses their turn signal.

I call this "unannounced visits to my lane". A little heads-up via those legally required turn signals goes a long way. Love the people who use those things. Wander on over unannounced? If I could, I'd slam a door in your face.

2. People love to cross four lanes of traffic at the last minute to reach their exit on the freeway…

…which makes the first item on the list extra fun.

3. Nobody knows how to merge onto the freeway.

Hands down my BIGGEST pet peeve. The on-ramp is not meant for cruising. It is meant for accelerating up to the speed of the rest of the vehicles peeling down the freeway. Minneapolis drivers seem particularly apt to taking their sweet time catching up to speed when entering the freeway. FYI, if I’m the person behind you doing this, I will tailgate you.

4. People like tailgating as an expression of their road rage.

Ok. I’m guilty of this one too. It’s cool. People tailgate everywhere.

5. People don't seem to understand that the left lane is the fast lane.

You know in some states you could get a ticket if you're not passing people in the left lane? That's because it's just rude, inefficient, and dangerous to make people have to whip around you on the right. And, it makes the people behind you want to run you off the road. There's also that.

6. People have extreme difficulty staying in their lane when turning.

If you ever have to turn right onto Washington Avenue from Hennepin, you’ll know what I’m talking about. It’s a total free-for-all over there, people cutting in front of each other like nobody’s business. Makes me want to drive a monster truck over there just so no one will mess with me.

7. Red lights are pretty much a suggestion.

And yellow lights are a challenge. Fun game: when you pass through a yellow light in Minneapolis, take a peek in your rear-view mirror to see just how many bold people pass through behind you. If it’s less than three, something is wrong. Or maybe you’re one of the bold ones… I’ll let you be the judge.

8. No one knows how to use a stop sign.

I’m not talking about "slow-and-go stops”. Those are cool, if there’s no one coming (and no cops around to nab you). No, I’m talking about when you reach a four-way stop in Minneapolis (Uptown peeps, I'm talking about you) and have that moment where it’s actually your turn to go, but some other car takes your turn. Or the other moment where it’s someone else’s turn, but they sit there like a bump on a log while you wait, until you decide to go, which is when they’ll finally move their ass.

9. Many people make the brilliant decision to drive drunk.

Listen to me people. There is NO EXCUSE for driving drunk. But at least Minneapolis is a "cab" town. You can get one pretty much anywhere within 10 minutes. In Albuquerque, cabs are as scarce as below zero temperatures. Even someone completely wasted can remember to dial 333-3333.

I could go on and on…

But I’m too busy talking to my best friend with my phone on speaker phone in my lap so the cops don’t see, as I fix my makeup in the mirror and gulp down my breakfast and spill my Caribou. Oops, missed my turn. I should go.